Do most of your dating relationships end up in heartbreak?
Have you sacrificed time and time again in relationships only to be taken advantage of?
Are you tired of ending up hurt? Tired of trying? Have you given up hope in ever finding the right relationship?
Well first let me just say I hear you, I have felt similarly; however, let me suggest that maybe you need to take a step back and look at the type of people you are choosing to date. In other words, if you are continuously choosing and extending your time, energy and efforts on the wrong person you will always end up hurt no matter how pure your intentions.
To illustrate this point I’d like to provide you with two examples; the first from when I was in college.
During Black history month I attended a relationship seminar that was held by the Black Student Union entitled “He Say, She Say”. In this seminar the girls and guys laid all of their questions about the opposite sex, dating and relationships, out on the table. Both the girls and the guys had all kinds of questions, but one question from the guys stands out in my memory above the others till this day. The question was “Why is it that when you date a female she often seems to have a gold-digger mentality only looking at what kind of car you drive, how much money you’re making and other trivial matters?”
The response from the females was that the men needed to look at the type of women they were choosing to date; because a pattern would be revealed.
For example, if a man is always only approaching the same types of women; i. e. the token bad chick in the club; females that only hang out in certain spots every weekend or women that are always scantily dressed….then this type of woman is likely only going to be concerned with trivial matters. So in this case it’s up to the man to change the type of woman he’s approaching in order to obtain a different result.
The panel of women suggested that the guys not only look at the outer appearance of a woman but look inwardly as well; and I have to say I agree. I’m not suggesting guys approach women they are blatantly un-attracted to, but I will say looking at the modestly dressed girl for a change, or the quiet one of the bunch, or a girl who is unique in some type of way may yield a different result. You never know, if you keep doing what you’ve always done you will always get what you’ve always gotten.
The second illustration can be applied from my personal experience. I’ve made some poor choices when it comes to choosing men to date. I’ve entered a relationship with giving attitude, but I was giving to the wrong person. So as stated above, my time, energy and emotions were being used on the wrong guy.
So what can I really expect when Mr. Wrong takes my heart and runs with it? Can I really get mad at God? Matter of fact did I seek God before allowing that person to come into my life? Or approaching that person? And better yet did I WAIT for His answer?
I think we get into trouble in dating when we start to feel pressured by various external demands; the ticking clock, demands from friends and family members, the biological clock, fears about being alone, perceived lack of options, comparisons to other people’s facebook relationship statuses and so on. As a result we start making poor choices. Anytime you are operating out of fear, there’s a good possibility you are venturing down the wrong path.
And then we look at God and say “Why did you allow this to happen? Why didn’t you fix this? “Why didn’t you spare me?” Well, God might be saying “I didn’t direct you to that person in the first place.”
Now let me be clear, no one deserves a broken heart, but don’t cast your pearls before swine as it says in the bible. If you know your love is the shhhh (bomb baby, bomb baby) ask yourself, (and God), who is worthy of me performing this type of sacrificial love on? If you have all these beautiful gifts inside of you with a desire to be a blessing to someone, don’t waste it on the wrong person.