What to look for in a spouse

happy couple

happy couple

Everybody has preferences when it comes to dating.

Some people have a certain “type”; others date whomever they’re attracted to.

And some people just meander along, trying to make it work with any girl or guy who strolls into their lives.

So what category do you fall into? And how’s that working for you?

If you are like I used to be at one time you may not know much of what to look for in a dating partner or a spouse. Though I’ll admit I’m still finding my way, I do have specific things I look for now to help me in navigating dating relationships. Below is a list of some things to look for when choosing someone to date.

  • Character– Look at the character of the person you’re considering to date. How do they treat people? How do they treat their mother, father and elders?  Do they have a good reputation? Are they generally honest and fair in their dealings with people or do they scheme and cheat?  Are they generally straight forward and honest in their communication or do they tell half truths and use evasive language?
  • Morals– Do you share the same morals and values? Are you of like mind or are you always butting heads on various topics? Not saying you have to agree on everything but if you are in constant disagreement about most things are you going to be ok with that throughout the course of your relationship?
  • Family Relationships-What do the relationships in their life currently look like with family and friends? Do they have a lot of broken relationships? How is their relationship with their mother, father and siblings? Do they have children? If so do they care for those children in an active participatory way?
  • Values-What is important to this person? What do they value? What do they spend most of their time talking about or doing? Their business? Their material possessions? Their looks? I’m not saying any of this is wrong I’m just saying look at that. And does that match what’s important to you?
  • Vision: Do they have a vision for their life and are they running with that vision? If so where are they going? Not saying that they have to have a 10 step plan on how to be billionaire by tomorrow, but do they have any vision for anything in any area of their life?  Do they have hopes and dreams of any sort? Professionally or personally?  Also note whether they are  working towards those goals or are they just talking about them? For example, if they want to be a movie director within 15 years have they gone to film school or are they working in that industry? Are they even volunteering in that industry?  Determine if their walk matches their talk. Lastly, does their vision match where you want to go in life? So, if they want to be a film director in Hollywood in the near future but you want to go off and live on a farm in a small rural county, just think about how those two desires may affect each other in the long run.
  •  Faith: Most people believe in something, be it spiritualism, Christianity, Buddhism, Hinduism, or something else.  Decide if it is important to you to be with someone who shares the same faith as you, and if so don’t compromise. What I’m saying is this; if you are a Christian and your faith is very important to you don’t kid yourself into believing that it doesn’t matter if the person you are hoping to spend the rest of your life with is not. While it may not be  a major problem in the beginning should this relationship stand the test of time (which is what we’re hoping for 🙂 ) and children and major life decisions come along it’s best to be on one accord spiritually.

All of these topics can be further broken down into much more detail. And if you have other things that are important to you, look at that as well. The best thing a Christian single can do when getting to know a person is exercise patience and wisdom. Despite raging hormones and a ticking clock; time and space will ultimately determine the answers you want to receive about the person you’re dating as well as highlight any red flags.

Everyone’s type will differ; and even if you do date a person you’re very compatible with there’s still going to be hang-ups, mix-ups and problems, as no relationship is perfect. But if you take some time and think about what you want and what is important to you in a relationship you’ll find yourself moving forward in life with more intention instead of floating from relationship to relationship making the same mistakes and demonstrating the same broken patterns.

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3 thoughts on “What to look for in a spouse

  1. Pingback: Dating Advice for Men | Lipstick and the Word

  2. Pingback: Ladies: Make better dating choices | Lipstick and the Word

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