How to be a happy single

This is the third entry of the Single in the City Series. This multi-part series is geared towards helping you become a healthier, happier single. Click here for Part 1 and Part 2.

Pretty young woman with arms raised

Are you single? Have you been single for a long time? Are you tired of waiting for “the one”?

You’re not alone; many men and women are waiting for love, thinking that once they find that special someone their life can officially start.

While there’s nothing wrong with longing to be in an intimate relationship with someone, a problem occurs when you subconsciously decide to postpone happiness until you meet “the one”.

If you don’t know how to be happy while single, contrary to what you may think, you won’t be happy when married either.  I once heard a Christian psychologist say that you’re ready to date only when you don’t need to date.  In other words, when you realize you don’t have to be in a relationship to be happy, feel whole or fulfilled you’re in the best position to date.

Below are three tips to help maintain your joy as you navigate this season of singleness.

1. Realize that life starts now!

Not when you get married, not when you finally have a family or become engaged…now.  A lot of people are looking for a spouse to fix them or solve all of their problems.  Fixing you is not your spouse’s role, only Jesus can fix your problems, hurts and issues of the heart.  And fortunately you can start on that today…….. like now (in this moment).

Consciously, consistently and purposely give your issues to Him on an ongoing basis.  Praying about something once is often not enough.  Many of us need consistent submission of our issues to the altar.  And be patient, while instant healing is possible in some cases, most things take time to work through.  Lastly, don’t forget you can be happy while you’re waiting on the promises of God; including marriage to come to pass.  Life starts now!

2. Watch the words you speak and the company you keep

Are you constantly saying there are no good men or women out there?  That they’re all the same?  They’re all dogs or gold diggers?  Have you ever heard of such a thing as a self-fulfilling prophecy?  It’s when a strongly held belief becomes a reality despite it being based on false information.  In other words your skewed beliefs become a reality even if it’s not true.

Also be mindful of who you’re spending your time around and their talk towards the opposite sex.  A lot of people have a lot of hurts and hang-ups from previous relationships and pass those views onto others even if other people have not had a similar experience.  So you can literally be walking around with a flawed perception of relationships and the opposite sex based on someone else’s negative experiences.

Psalms1:1  says “Blessed is the man who walks not in step with the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the company of the scornful.  Do you see that progression?  You go from walking to standing to sitting with the company you keep.  Please believe you are affected by the people you hang around.

3. Get busy living the life God has given you to live now!

This one piggy backs off tip number one.  My pastor at Oasis Church, says obsession about finding a soul mate is often related to a lack of purpose in life; specifically understanding one’s purpose.  Think about it, if you are not pursuing any passions in life you will likely only preoccupy yourself with thoughts of future happiness because you’re not happy in your present circumstances.  I’ll admit I’ve been guilty of this; there were times in the past when I was very down about not being in a relationship.  I just couldn’t understand why everyone else was getting married and having babies and I was looking on from the sidelines.  I used to rack my brain around it many times.

As I matured in my walk with God, I was brought out of that place.  I became more aware of my purpose and as a result was less pre-occupied with getting married and more concerned with fulfilling God’s call on my life.  I know that can sound cliché (at least that’s what i used to think when I heard others say that) but all I can say is getting there is a process and don’t get discouraged if you’re not there yet.

If you’re unsure of what your calling is take some time to think about it.  What are you passionate about?  What have you always wanted to learn?  What makes your blood boil?  What would you change in the world if you could?

The journey to discovering your calling doesn’t have to start out as a huge undertaking; it can be as small as taking up guitar lessons or as huge as volunteering abroad for a year.  Now is the prime opportunity to pursue whatever it is that gets your creative juices flowing.  You might just stumble upon your God given purpose and meet Mr. or Mrs. Right in the process!

In conclusion, desiring marriage and a family is nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about whether you’re male or female.  And don’t let anyone make you feel bad about it.  While our current culture may make it seem like family is not that important and takes a back seat to career, acquisitions and materialistic possessions, don’t believe the lie.  Deep down we all want to be loved and accepted for who we are.  We were created that way by God himself.  God is a tri-part being; Father, Son and Holy Spirit, He is the author of relationship.  Allow him to be the author of yours too at the right time.

Don’t waste your single years waiting for happiness, life stars now! So get moving!

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