One is the loneliest number

lonely sketch walking

I have always struggled with loneliness.  I am an only child, so growing up I didn’t have brothers and sisters to play with.  Mom was a single-parent who worked a lot to provide, sometimes at two jobs, so she was gone a lot.  I had cousins who lived nearby at times and some living in other states but none I saw on a daily basis.

I got REALLY good at entertaining myself.  I loved reading, writing and dancing.  Kids Incorporated when Fergie and Jennifer Love-Hewitt were on there was my FAVORITE show!  I spent hours trying to duplicate all the dance moves, lol.  I just became really independent and was OK doing life alone because it was what I was used to.

But at times I would get really lonely, though as a kid I didn’t fully know what that meant.  I remember feeling sad about spending so much time alone but being a kid I couldn’t communicate this.

I also spent a lot of time reading the bible.  I had a great children’s bible at that time that had tons of great pictures and comforting helpful articles throughout the text.  I wish I knew where that bible was today.  It helped me through a lot of dark times, sad feelings and loneliness.

lonely drawing with scary handAs I got older and busier with school, friends, extra-curricular activities and boys my loneliness faded.

However, now as an adult I find myself still experiencing times of loneliness.  I used to think that “if only I was married I would never have a problem with loneliness again.”  But after talking with married couples, reading lots of books about relationships and maturing I see that even married people get lonely too and sometimes they are the loneliest.

Living in LA is a continuously interesting experience.  People here are just…..different.  It took me a LONG time to find a good group of friends here.  A lot of people who move here are very self-absorbed, into themselves and their dreams or are in such a state of brokenness from where they came from they are unable to be a good friend.  So moving here for me was kind of like going back in time to the lonely days of my childhood.  It was an unpleasant nostalgic feeling.

Jack Zavada,  a great Christian blogger I follow, says that loneliness is a warning sign that you have a relationship problem, but not necessarily with another person; with God.  He says that a close intimate relationship with God can help alienate feelings of loneliness. While I see his point and agree to a certain extent I don’t think that loneliness needs to be over spiritualized.  People are meant to have close, intimate and loving relationships with others and sometimes that’s just not happening in our world.

So here are some things I’ve learned about loneliness:

It’s a human problem, not a singles problem.  Everybody experiences it at some time or another and no one is immune to it.  This side of heaven I believe we’ll all experience certain times of loneliness.

You can’t wait on God or anyone else to fix your loneliness problem.  You have to step out there in faith to make the changes you see fit.  Continue to meet new people, volunteer, reconcile broken relationships, serve and concentrate on someone else’s problems that are bigger than your own.

God promises that we are never alone.   Now I must admit this is one that’s hard for me to believe sometime because I often FEEL alone.  But I’m learning that faith in God requires living beyond your feelings which is something I’m just now coming to terms with. Maybe when I do one day I’ll write a future blog about it!

So I do still have times of loneliness, but my situation is not as hopeless as it was when I was as a little girl.  As an adult I have the power to create the life that I want, which is what I have done here in LA.  I love my life here, it’s not perfect and I deal with things beyond loneliness but I love it because it was hand crafted by me.

How do you handle your times or seasons of loneliness?

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11 thoughts on “One is the loneliest number

  1. This touched me. I experienced loneliness when I was younger and no one can understand the true meaning of that unless they have experienced it. I turned to God during those times but the loneliness never went away. It wasn’t until I met my husband and he helped me to truly love God, to really love myself and love the skin I’m in that I was able to break away from those feelings. It took a long time for me to not feel lonely and when I finally had kids (because I was ready to give of myself) that the loneliness really went away. I hope that one day you will be able to move through those feelings of loneliness and find joy in being alone so that when you’re surrounded by loved ones who fill up that empty space, you will be content with the fact that you’d be okay in your own space. You’ll actually cherish that “aloneness”.
    Sending much love and happiness your way. Blessings and peace to you. xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much! I agree, no one really understands unless they have been there. Its a painful feeling. What a blessing that you have your husband and family now and that your husband has helped you become closer to God and grow as a person. Sounds like God gave you double for your trouble and that is a great thing! I’m happy for you. 🙂 I’m believing that for myself too. 🙂 thanks for the well wishes and take care. ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  2. This was a good read. I often feel lonely and I think staying on my own just makes things worse. When the feeling starts consuming me I take walks, go for a run, take a trip out of town or blog, it usually helps. I am sorry you had to go through periods of loneliness as a child. I can somehow relate to that. I am the last child and my siblings are way older than me so I grew up on my own so to speak and it was a terrible feeling. Now I am all grown up and I have a daughter but I am adamant about having another child. I once wrote a blog about it here >> https://makupsy.wordpress.com/2014/12/29/my-one-and-only/
    After reading your blog I am wondering that maybe just maybe I will be unfair to my daughter if I deny her a sibling but to be honest, I can’t afford to have another child and I wouldn’t want to have my daughter miss out on anything because I decided to add another mouth to feed…
    Thank you for sharing your post, it has left me with so many questions about my own life.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for your support and reading. I forgot to mention i stay alone too so it does tend to aggravate the problem.

      As far as your daughter, i wonder the same thing if i was to have only one child too. That’s why i say i would at least have 2. But whose to say that will happen in life even if i want it to? I don’t know, but one thing i always wished I’d had growing up was more sense of a community. I think if you ensure your daughter has that she’ll be fine 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I love this Maya! It’s so true, there’s an over spiritualization of loneliness. At times someone is really just lonely because they have no-one, does not necessarily mean they have no close relationship with God. I think over spiritualization of loneliness prevents the church from having a candid conversation about loneliness. I long for the day when we will all openly talk about this.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I agree. Loneliness doesn’t need to be over-spiritualized. I believe even Jesus felt lonely at times. Feeling lonely isn’t a bad thing, it’s just a feeling, just like you feel hungry because you need something to eat.
    Dealing with my seasons of loneliness, I just invest my time differently. I generally watch more movies, read more, work more, exercise more and listen to more music. Emotionally, I deal with like anything else, “I go get a ladder, and get over it.” 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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