Dating, like many aspects of living in this great city of LA, is hard. Very hard. There are so many unwritten and un-defined rules that most aren’t privy to. When it comes to love, people here, like in many locations around the world are just faking it until they (hopefully) make it.
Whether you’re a girl or guy, you’ll likely find yourself entertaining a lot of less-than-stellar people on your journey of love. I haven’t had a tremendous amount of dating experience while living here, but I’ve had enough to tell you that it’s hard. I have friends who say it’s hard and the broken relationships I see happening around me let me know it’s hard.
Though numerous issues contribute to making it hard to date in the City of Angeles; there are a few main problems I see that stand out above the rest.
Please note that the below issues apply for both men and women. 🙂 Also note that a lot of these same problems apply to the pursuit of friendships in LA.
Problem One: It’s hard to
meet connect with people
I have a great social life; I frequently attend parties, networking events, mixers, meet-ups, church activities and the like. During any given month I meet a lot of new people. I have a big circle of friends and several of my friends have even bigger circles than me! But despite meeting all these people the genuine connections are lacking. There are a lot of superficial people here; and I honestly think a lot of people don’t even realize how superficial they are because so many people here are just like them! A lot of people are more concerned about what you do than who you are as a person and a lot of people are guarded, which is kind of understandable because we’ve all been hurt in the past.
It can be hard to connect with someone beyond a surface level relationship. I don’t think relationships or friendships should be forced; effort should be put forth to get to know someone but it shouldn’t feel like it’s a struggle to connect with another person. I prefer organic authentic relationships….not fake surface level ones.
Problem Two: It’s hard to communicate
When I meet guys I’ll often exchange contact info with them. Sometimes I’ll hear from them sometimes I won’t. But even if I do at some point we often reach a break down in communication. When someone approaches me and shows interest in getting to know me, eventually I expect a genuine conversation to happen, an outing to be planned and moves to be made. Even though sending 1000 plus text messages seems to be the name of the game these days; texting me a million times a day without ever picking up the phone is not connecting.
Engage my interests; find out what I like to do. Doesn’t seem like rocket science to me, but a lot of guys don’t seem to know how to do that.
Now I understand that if a conversation and a date happen it doesn’t necessarily mean that there will be a match made in heaven but often it’s hard to even get past those first two steps.
Problem Three: People are too busy chasing their dreams
There is nothing wrong with wanting to be successful. There’s nothing wrong with having goals. There’s not even anything wrong with aggressively pursuing those goals. However, in life too many people pursue those dreams without giving equal attention to cultivating healthy dating or friendship relationships.
Everything in life requires balance. All work and no play will leave your life out of balance just like eating too much with no exercise will leave your weight out of balance.
Too many people in LA are so busy pursuing a dream that they don’t have time to develop and maintain many, or any, healthy relationships.
This is a land full of aspiring actors, musicians, writers, models, designers, artists, wanna-bees and everything in-between. So many people here are chasing their dreams with little or no time to connect. Or they’re so drained from the grind that they don’t have the energy to make an effort.
People experience varying degrees of success with pursuing their dreams here. For some people their dreams don’t turn out like they thought it would and then because they didn’t take the time to develop healthy relationships they don’t have any one in their camp when their dreams fail. Now that’s a sad place to be.
Problem Four: There are a lot of crappy people here
Everyone in life is looking for love in some form or fashion. Whether it be quick love (sex), long-lasting love (marriage) or something in between. But what I’ve learned is just because people are looking for love, it doesn’t mean they’re ready for it.
There’s a lot of jack-assess and trifling people looking for love too. A lot of times we think just because we’ve finally found someone who’s looking for the exact same thing we’re looking for we’ve found a match! Not necessarily… a lot of people are not worthy of half of what they hope to find in a mate, but that doesn’t stop them from looking! And talking a good game in the process.
Let’s face it, losers wanna be loved too. They wanna be loved by a good person with good intentions. But they fail to realize they themselves are not bringing that to the table. In the game of love everybody wants to walk away from the table with a better deal than they are offering. It’s human nature. These people need to be looking for a relationship with Jesus. That’s the only relationship where we walk away with more than we gave and more than we deserve.
Because there’s a lot of crappy girls and guys searching for a relationship it can make dating hard. Maybe you’re a crappy person yourself. That’s why continuous self-reflection is key. Or maybe, as one of my good friends puts it you’re a good person but you just have crappy ways. Check the way you handle people, especially those you’re interested in dating. Do you honor your word if you make plans with them or do you flake and act as the other persons time isn’t as valuable as yours? I’ve been guilty of this myself. However, as you age and the same problems keep surfacing in your life (you keep going around the same mountain again and again), you have to evaluate and decide what responsibility you have in the matter.
Moral of the Story
I don’t think LA is the only place with these types of dating problems. My friends in various states voice similar complaints and concerns. So you know what that tells me? Crappy, superficial, non-communicating, overly busy people are everywhere. In your community, in your office, in your church; sometimes among your family and friends.
Maybe even within you. We all exist between stages of being a crappy person and being a person of character. We bounce between those two spectrum’s…some of us more than others.
Friends, dating is like looking for a full-time job. First, you have to cast a wide net with the hopes of getting just a few call backs, literally! Think about it…hypothetically when you’re unemployed let’s say you send out 50 resumes a week. Out of that 50 you may get 3-5 call backs. Out of that 3-5 you may land 2 interviews. And after both the interviews you may not even get the job. Dating is like that. Meet a bunch of people. Out of that bunch you may connect with one or two and out of those two because of bad timing or differences you may or may not end up with someone special.
So keep applying for those jobs. Keep kissing those frogs. Keep chasing your dreams. And don’t give up on relationships.
As for me, I plan to keep accepting applications until the role is filled! 😉