(Part 1 of this series was posted yesterday for the ladies. This is Part 2 for the fellas.)
I hear a lot of men saying that it’s hard to find a good woman. I don’t doubt that, women have their issues. One minute we say we want one thing and the next minute it seems we’ve completely changed our minds. What is it exactly that women want in a man?
If you’ve been on the dating scene for a minute and want to find something serious I have some tips that I think will improve your chances of finding a quality woman.
Evaluate your choices
Not your options, your choices. So many women say there are no good men. So many men say it’s hard to find a good woman. Where exactly are you looking for that woman? Are you being intentional about finding someone or are you just hoping that the baddest girl you see walking into the party will happen to be the one? Don’t get me wrong genuine love can happen anywhere but that doesn’t mean it will. How intentional are you being about locating someone?
I get it men are visual. The guys in the movies always have the baddest chicks…but how realistic is that? And is the baddest chick actually the one who will be down for you? Will she have her priorities straight?
When I look over my failed relationships the common theme I see is I made some poor choices. Some of you have chosen the wrong women. You may not have had the best examples of what love was growing up but learn to exercise your power of choice wisely.
Know what you’re looking for
What is it that you are really looking for in a woman? Someone who looks like a video vixen? Someone that makes you feel good physically and emotionally? Someone who esteems you? Are you looking for a woman to fill up a void you feel inside perhaps? Why is that?
Learn the art of maturity
I can’t tell you how many guys I have dated that were lacking in this area. From throwing temper tantrums when they don’t get what they want to just feeling life like is a party 24/7, there have been many.
I get it, men mature more slowly than women. But you can’t want a serious relationship and be acting in immature ways. Just doesn’t work like that, you will run the woman you’re really interested in off.
Also if a woman that you are interested in is not interested in you back don’t get an attitude. Just accept it and move on. Not everyone wants what you have to offer even if you think you are the crème de la crème. Everyone needs to get used to rejection in life and we women deal with it too. Do not try to talk her out of it, whine, beg or curse her out because she decides not to pursue a relationship with you. And for goodness sake do not cyber, Facebook or text stalk her!
We women want a man who is consistent. We want your words to match your actions. We’re not looking for perfection (though it may seem like that at times 🙂 ) but consistency. We won’t take you seriously otherwise. If you say you’re going to do something follow up.
Grow in your stability
Women want stability. Healthy and whole men want to have their stuff together before they pursue a woman seriously. I know some people get together at 18 and have very little and they are able to build a life together but that is not the norm. There is nothing wrong with having dreams; I live in the City of Dreams but understand the importance of stability. There is nothing wrong with having an honest 9-5 while working on that entrepreneurship hustle. If you are shifting from job to job, if you’re still living at home with no plans to ever leave we will not take you seriously and quality women won’t want to bring any children into the world with you.
Be strong and courageous
Have the courage to ask for what you want. If you want a relationship with this woman ask. If you want to get to know her better initiate. Don’t stand around waiting for life to pass you by. Sometimes we just have to take that leap of faith in life and let the chips fall where they may. I have asked guys out, and not once have I regretted it. It can be humbling but we all need a little humility when dealing with relationships.
Women want to feel safe with a man. If you are lying about who you are, what you have to offer and over exaggerating about what you’re bringing to the table then you are not safe, you’re a liar. And we don’t want to give into that. Don’t come to the table trying to manipulate the situation and expect a 100% genuine down-for-you-woman when it’s all said and done with. Because basically you are looking for more than you deserve at this point. You cannot knowingly lie and manipulate yourself into a situation and expect to get a perfect result forever. Life just does not work like that.
Have something to offer
Other than sex. I know we all want somebody to love us for who we are on the inside but let’s face it, everybody needs to be bringing something to the table. This goes deeper than financial assets, looks, education and the like. What you have on paper is not enough. Communication, soft skills, relationship skills are what is going to carry the relationship through long term. You want a woman to accept you with all of your flaws and weaknesses but realize you need to be accepting of that woman’s too. As I have said before; some of you are out here looking for a relationship that mirrors one with Jesus, someone to accept you, never correct you or challenge you. That’s just not realistic.
So if you are having trouble finding that special someone ask yourself how serious you are about finding her? Are you just hoping someone will fall into your lap? What do you have to offer? Are you thinking just because you are a man that in and of itself is enough? Are you willing to grow in some areas if that means you will find Mrs. Right? Continuing to do what you’ve always done will bring you the same results. Don’t be that dude.
Want more dating tips? Check out my other blogs: