Dreams Deferred

black and white image of a woman swinging from a tree

I’m on a bus
It’s cloudy and rainy outside
The weather matches my mood
Gloomy and just kind of blah

A lot of days I find myself waiting for the other shoe to drop
Feeling neither here nor there
They say no news is good news
Well no news for too long makes me nervous

I am a roller coaster
Sometimes up, sometimes down
Reminiscent of my childhood
Waiting for the other shoe to drop

I’m listening to a song from my high school days
Cheers 2 U” by Playa
And I remember the dreams of my childhood
And the new dreams that I’ve discovered

I’ve heard it said that “hope deferred makes the heart sick”
And “Worshiping the dream more than the Dream-Giver makes the dream an idol”

I have dreams that at times seem like God has forgotten about
Or doesn’t care to remember
Or has once again said “No”
Or has once again said “Wait”

Where do you place your hope?

If the dream fails is all hope gone?

A shattered marriage, a failed career and everything in between.

I smile at the rain.
My hope is in the Dream-Giver. 🙂

Your individual love journey


There is a lot of advice floating around in literature, various social circles and the church on how to find love.   I see so many books, articles, seminars and podcasts with titles like “5 Steps to finding the love of your life”, “12 ways to make him love you” or “True love waits”, or something of that nature.

I used to be an avid consumer of relationship literature and though I don’t negate its importance; I am afraid we have taken a lot of this secular and non-secular relationship advice as the Gospel Truth, overlooking the fact that God has an individual plan for everybody that also includes an individual love story.  We have been fed the narrative that “just because it worked for so-and-so this way and she is a successful wife who married a big time preacher, doctor, entrepreneur or (fill-in the blank) if I do it this way it will happen for me just like that too.”  Or we think if we follow these 10 steps to love detailed in the latest relationship book, we’ll actually find it…because well the book said so and it’s a best-seller.  And the speaker on the recent relationship expert panel sounded so convincing they must know what they’re talking about so we must sign up for their expensive coaching package.

I also hear a lot of discussion in Christian circles and churches detailing what women should and should not do if they want to be found by a husband.  Such suggestions include being still (based on the scripture he who findeth a wife findeth a good thing), hiding her face in the Lord, not accepting dates from a man that she is not 100% sure is her husband, being busy in the Lord and basically just being perfect!

However, I noticed that I don’t hear similar instructions being directed towards men about preparing for a wife, which is a double standard.  If men are supposed to be the one’s finding wives I don’t hear any leaders instructing them to stop sleeping around, leading women on or fathering children out of wedlock and just marry them already.  I don’t hear any discussion encouraging a man to live his life in preparation for a wife, by building stability and cultivating an environment as a protector and provider for a future family.  It seems to me the messages that are being delivered is it’s the woman’s job to do everything perfectly and somehow God will honor her perfection by rewarding her with a husband, no matter how long she has to wait.

After listening to this type of talk for a few years I have finally decided I disagree.  I have a different viewpoint and here’s why: Continue reading

The battle within


“We have met the enemy and he is us.” –Pogo
” I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16 And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. 17 As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 18 For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature.[c] For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19 For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. 20 Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.
21 So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. 22 For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; 23 but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. 24 O wretched man I am!”  Romans 7: 15-24

Life is a battle.  Point blank period.  There’s no escaping that truth.  The older I get the more battles I seem to face.  Relationships, work, family, friends, etc.  Each of these battles are time consuming, at times draining, but oh-such a necessary part of life!  But out of all of the daily, weekly and monthly battles  I face, nothing seems to quite compare to the battle within. Continue reading

Surrendering the canvas


me at a Paint Nite

I have developed a new-found love for painting.  I regularly attend Paint Nite events with friends where an instructor leads a group of people through a guided illustration.  The whole purpose of Paint Nite is to have fun and let your creative juices flow!

As I reflect on my recent painting experiences I can’t help but think of how a painter’s canvas symbolizes the human life in its various stages of development. Continue reading

The Prodigal Son: I was the bitter older brother


Many of us are familiar with the biblical story of the prodigal son.  A young man takes his inheritance, leaves his father’s home and eventually squanders his wealth.  Poor, hungry and alone he eventually comes to his senses and returns to his father’s home where he is welcomed and celebrated.

A part of the story that doesn’t often get as much attention is the older brother’s response to his sibling’s return.  The older brother’s response to his younger brother’s homecoming is one filled with bitterness and comparison. He protests to his Father that the young son deserves punishment for his prior actions and points out his faithful personal service to his Father.

The funny thing is I agree with the older brother.  When you do good, good things are supposed to come to you right?  If you do foolish things then you deserve those consequences…right?

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Back door dating


Back door dating

  1. When two people are dating but there are no clear definitions, expectations or discussion of the status of the relationship. Thus enabling any party to abandon the relationship at any time with no explanation.
  2. Also known as trying to date someone without professing any intention or desire for a relationship with that person; hoping a relationship will just fall into place based on sheer continuous interaction with the person.

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Unapologetically Me!

UM Final


God created me with a big smile and a big heart!

God created me with a unique ability to write and touch others with my words.

He created me to love others, love who I am and grow in love towards Him.

This is who he created me to be, but sometimes I have felt I have to apologize in one way or another for who I am, who I was and who I am becoming.

Continue reading