Ladies: Make better dating choices

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For the most part I am a big advocate of speaking the truth in love, I believe you catch more flies with honey than vinegar.  But every now and then I have to shoot it to you straight.  Even Jesus did that from time to time.  His words could pierce like a sword.

Please know I am here to help you.  I am on your side.  But there are some things you must hear.  I am not saying you are guilty;  you are not already condemned in my book,  I am  simply asking you to evaluate yourself against the below dating advice and go from there. Continue reading

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Dream Killers

lightstock_397969_jpg_mayaMartin Luther King had a dream.  I have a dream.  You have a dream.

We all have dreams, goals and desires that we want to see come to pass.

Are you excited and optimistic that your dreams will come to pass or do you feel discouraged and doubt that they will ever manifest?

Did you once know beyond a shadow of the doubt that you wanted to accomplish a certain task or achieve a certain goal but now that dream seems far beyond your reach?

Maybe you somehow got off course or your dream feels like it was somehow stolen.

Have you lost hope?  Well I want to encourage you today. Continue reading

Winning with the hand you are dealt

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I didn’t really grow up watching sports.  I attended some football and basketball high school games growing up, but my family wasn’t really that into sports.

I didn’t really get into sports until I got older and one of my guy friends started taking me to professional games and explaining plays to me.  I’m still not the most well versed in it by any means but I know a lil sum, sum!

But what I noticed is that when the team is loosing the coach will often make adjustments to the plays in order to win the game.

Sometimes the team comes back to win the game and sometimes they don’t.  Such is life.

So this got me to thinking that sports games are similar to the game of life.  Just like a good coach will make adjustments at half time in order to win the game so it is with the game of life. Continue reading

Happy Mother’s Day to my Mom

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Disclaimer: I will attempt not to tear up while writing this blog.

First off Happy Mother’s Day to all the mothers!  What a blessing to care for, nurture and support a child.  God has bestowed a great gift upon you. 🙂

This blog is going to be sort of like an open letter/tribute to my mom.  They say you should give people their flowers while they are still alive.  That’s what I’m going to attempt to do here and what I try to do pretty often for her. Continue reading

What is love?

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People have different definitions of love.  Some people think love equates sex and some people think love means showering them with gifts or exorbitant amounts of money.

I think a mistake that often happens in the dating world is that we assume that our definition of love is equal to our partners.  A lot of you are familiar with the book “Five Love Languages“,  in which the author outlines five ways to express and experience love; through acts of service, physical touch, quality time, etc.  I think this is helpful but I also think searching your own heart and practicing self-awareness about how you perceive love is most helpful.  Think of it this way, if you feel loved by spending an abundant amount of quality time with someone but your partner feels loved by receiving gifts even though you’re doing your best at what you think is loving them, they won’t feel loved.  This is why communication is so important. Continue reading

The art of encouraging yourself

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This is not an easy blog to write because this is something I often struggle with myself.  As an adult life can just take a toll on you, sometimes there’s not some deep issue to work out, sometimes the trouble is just life in general.

We live in a broken world with so many broken people.  Feelings get hurt, people get hurt and circumstances often don’t live up to our expectations.

How do we cope?

You have often heard me speak of the importance of support groups, community and family to help you along your walk.  But what happens when those resources aren’t there?  Maybe you’re in a brand new city and you only know one person, including yourself or your family is part of the problem or somehow in this particular situation people just don’t get you.

Where do you turn? Continue reading

Welcome to Fight Club

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Welcome to Fight Club.  The first rule of Fight Club is: you do not talk about Fight Club.  The second rule of Fight Club is: you DO NOT talk about Fight Club!”

Those are two famous lines from a popular 1999 movie called Fight Club.  Brad Pitt stars as a guy who’s looking for a challenge in his life and forms an underground boxing club with a buddy that evolves into something much more.  That’s about all I remember about the movie, I only saw it because the guy I was dating at the time was into it.  I don’t like movies with a lot of violence so I quickly forgot it all.

Another Fight Club that I am familiar with is a Christian teaching series taught by popular North Point Preacher Andy Stanley (son of the even more popular preacher Charles Stanley).  You probably haven’t heard of this one but it’s a four part teaching series about fighting for our relationships in life, particularly the one with our parents.  I won’t go into detail about this series but it’s something I’ve studied for years; I would listen to the series, file it away and then maybe pick it back up a few years later.

America seems to enjoy a good fight.  We watch folks battle it out in the boxing ring, we watch people fight for the love of their life on the big screen and we admire those who fight for the freedoms of our country.  Somehow, inherently, I think we know that a good fight is just a part of life.  But amidst all of this sometimes I think we forget to fight for ourselves.

Welcome to Fight Club.

Life is a battle.  There are ups and downs, highs and lows, sunshine and rain.  It’s easy to feel like you’re on a roller-coaster that just won’t quit.  And I think it’s human nature to just wish all circumstances would line up so we can just coast along on an even keel for a bit.

But unfortunately that’s not reality.

You have to be willing to fight for a lot of the things you want in life.  You don’t have to fight but you can choose to fight.  Think of it this way, I know a lot of people who have weight loss goals, well you can just sit around and wish the pounds a way or you can choose to fight for it.  This means you’ll have to abstain from certain foods and sweat in the gym.  It’s not easy, fun or cute, but it’s a fight for your health.

Or let’s say you want to go back to school and finish a degree you never started or go for a work promotion that requires additional skills.  You will have to balance school with work, family, and whatever other responsibilities you now have as an adult.  It won’t be easy, fun or cute, but it’s a fight for your professional career.

And lastly we all see the frequent hashtag #relationshipgoals on social media.  We all have them or should anyway.  Even if you are in a healthy relationship you should be open to taking your relationship to higher levels throughout the span of the relationship.  And even healthy relationships go through challenges where you may need to set new goals or re- focus.  It’s hard work to be in a relationship, there are times you will have to humble yourself, work on yourself and endure hurt feelings.  And you guessed it,  it’s not easy, fun or cute but it’s necessary.  It’s a fight for your relationship.

Even more than the fitness, professional or relationship goals, I think we need to be willing to fight for ourselves often in the wee midnight hours.  There’s times when we’re blessed to lean on friends or family for strength and guidance but there’s also times when we have to fight solo, maybe because no one shares our vision for a certain goal or maybe there’s no one that you know who’s walked in a particular situation you’re facing. That’s when you have to be willing to wield the sword for yourself, not just for someone else.

Fighting for yourself can happen in a number of ways, it can mean taking a step of faith in a certain area, or working to change a bad habit or something else.  Or it can be as simple as telling yourself positive affirmations every day.  If you come from a negative background just looking for something positive to reflect on each day can be a battle.  I see so many angry and negative people in society I honestly think a lot of people aren’t aware that they need to fight for their daily emotional well-being.

Often we walk around feeling so dis-empowered because we’re told we’re from the wrong socioeconomic class or racial group, or we’re a woman, or we’re disabled or we don’t look the part, etc etc.

Every individual has power; you have the power of choice and no one can take that from you.

So if I was going to create my own Fight Club I’d say the first two rules are:

1. You don’t have to fight, but you can choose to
2. This is a fight for your life

Welcome to Fight Club!

 

I surrender all

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“I surrender all,
I surrender all;
All to Thee, my blessed Savior,
I surrender all.”

I’m sure many of you are familiar with this old church hymn.  I used to sing it during my college years at my family’s church.  I still remember how the old saint’s voices sounded; though at the time I really didn’t comprehend the full meaning of the lyrics.

I’m in a season where I’m learning to surrender my desires to God, it’s not that I’m throwing them away or saying they no longer matter to me; instead I’m saying “This is what I want God and this is what makes me happy but, if I don’t get what I want, I will continue to worship you.”  I’m holding my desires with an open hand, instead of in a tight-fist like a stubborn two-year-old toddler.

God wants our hearts.  Not much different than someone we are romantically involved with wanting our affection.  We struggle to put God first in our hearts.  There’s no shame in admitting that.  We might read our bible or pray first thing in the morning but often there are those desires that we think we hold locked away, out of sight and deep within our souls, often times above God.  We might not acknowledge them but they’re there.

God wants to hear about those desires, and if they are not godly well guess what; he wants to hear about them anyway!  We can’t hide anything from God.  Anger problem?  God can handle it.  Jealousy issues?  He can handle that too.  Porn problem?  He already knows.  He’s already got you covered but the first step is to open up about it.

It’s a daily process, not an overnight one.  I think we can learn to surrender a little more every day. ☺

So now I look at this song with new eyes.  I’ll leave you with the last few lines of the song.

“All to Jesus I surrender,
All to Him I freely give;
I will ever love and trust Him,
In His presence daily live.”

“I surrender all,
I surrender all;
All to Thee, my blessed Savior,
I surrender all.

Love,
Maya